The talents within us

I'm sure many are familiar with the parable in the Bible of the talents.  If not it is in Matthew 25.  A man gave different things to different servants.  To one he gave 5 talents, to another 2, and to another 1.  From what I understand each of these is a significant amount of money.  Both the servants who were given 5 and 2 talents doubled theirs and were given all that the Lord had.  The one who was given 1 however did nothing with his and guarded it, and therefore his one talent was taken from him.  Perhaps this talent bothers us, because we can sympathize with the servant who was given only one.  Perhaps it seems unjust to us and we might have done the same thing.  In recent months though, I have come to understand this parable at a very personal level and consider myself a servant of one talent, but I have decided to do all that I can with it.  I have decided it was what I was born to do.  The world, people will judge how they will judge but they  judge imperfectly and therefore, must be discredited.  We must not let it bother us.  My one talent, really it could be considered 2 is that of a wife and mother.  Now before I go on to say anything more, I know there are many women out there that yearn to be wives and mothers, and yet that blessing has not been bestowed on them yet.  Never should they feel it is because they are not worthy, or because God does not desire it for them.  I will tell you up front that is not my message today.  I am simply using my own experiences to perhaps ease the pain and feelings of inadequacy that so many feel.  I pray that I will be guided to say exactly what needs to be said to portray that message.  I began my first year of teaching in the Fall of 2006.  I was newly married and newly pregnant with my first child.  I knew at the time I would have to at least finish out the school year.  My husband and I prayed and felt inspired to have me continue teaching.  He would stay at home and finish school, and I would work.  That was not the answer I desired.  I knew that in my community many would judge me for it, but most of all I wanted to be home with my baby.  So I began teaching a second year.  On one particular hard day,  I asked God for how long, and the answer came quietly, only until your second child.  When I became pregnant with that second child I thought I was done, after all that is what God said, but eventually I understood it to mean that I still needed to finish out the 3rd year of teaching in which he was born.  I received confirmation after confirmation, and so I did.  During those three years I did receive some comments that could have been hurtful if I didn't recognize that those who said them were not meaning to be hurtful.  One comment after I had said I feel that is one of the reasons why I had to get my degree, "well my daughter just teaches her kids with her teaching degree".  Another was from another teacher who quit after the year her son was born, " We just decided we could make it on one salary" , in which I quickly responded, that is what we are doing too, but it is my salary.  Another was completely surprised to find out that I wasn't teaching because I wanted to but because it was what we knew we were supposed to do.  All of these were said in innocence and based on their own experiences.  None of them were trying to be hurtful.  During this time many may have thought I was one of those mothers that just needed to work to find fulfillment, this is the point I come to.  On one hand I have people perhaps judging me then for working, and on the other hand I have people now who judge me for only being at home with my kids and doing nothing else.  I can't win.  None of us can when we leave judgement to the world.  All of us can win and will win if we turn to God for judgement.  My one talent is that of a wife and mother, I love it, it has given me more fulfillment than anything ever could.  In times of financial stress I tried to bring in a little extra money online tutoring, but found I could not devote myself completely to my children and therefore dropped that.  I now receive confirmation after confirmation that I am to do nothing but devote myself to them, that is what they need right now to become who they were born to be.   I would like to write a parable of my own, in fact two parables of my own.  I served a mission.  Many women do not get that chance, and when I was on my mission I was fully convinced all women should.  Although I knew technically that was not what the prophet was saying, I was convinced I was right because of what it did for me.  After my mission I began to understand it very differently, I was wrong.  Our lives are individually packaged by God our Father who knows us best and knows what we need.   I needed to serve a mission, but not all women do.  In fact for many it is probably not in their best interest.  God knows where we need to be, he'll tell us.  No one on this earth can tell us better than he can.  We should never assume that because it was right for us, it is right for everyone.    Which brings me to my second parable, President Hinkley was kept back from the war for health issues.  Now we all know he lived to be in his 90's so I'm pretty sure those health issues served at least one great purpose, keeping him out of the war so that he could become who he needed to become.  Other apostles and prophets; however, were not kept back from the war.  I don't wish to speculate anymore on other peoples lives because I could judge it imperfectly, but I stated this as a preface to my own experiences.  Awhile back one of my husbands buddies was trying to convince him to join up with the army, national guard, or anything of that nature, because it was what he did, and I feel he felt very strongly that all men should.    We prayed, and President Hinkley's experiences came to mind, and then I felt very strongly like my husband should be at home with us fighting the war that is going on in our own country.  The immoral war.  It was where he needed to be.  Now I admit, this time, this was the answer I wanted.  If we were all doing the same thing, other things would be left undone.  Never should we feel inadequate or like our one talent isn't good enough.  It matters, whatever it is, it is serving the purpose it needs to serve.  God will show you that purpose if you let him.  You do matter, and you are great.  As a woman, as a mother, as a wife I can be judged for so many things.  I can be judged because all 4 of my children were born happily with an epidural.  I can be judged for bringing my babies to church right after they are born, thus exposing them to all the elements, or at the same time make some women feel bad because they didn't do that.  I can be judged because I take a laid back approach to potty training, or I let my kids dress themselves and pick out their outfits even in grade school.  I even let them do their own hair.  I can be judged because I am shy and in many cases don't say a lot.  People can revere me because I have a schedule for cleaning, or judge me because my yard is a mess.  People can revere me because they think my children are so well behaved or judge me because they happen to walk by when I'm being a bad mommy and yelling at my kids.  The point is this, as cliche as it may sound, nothing and no one is perfect.  I can't remember who said this, but I like it, often times we are comparing our weaknesses to others strengths, or our strengths to their weaknesses.  To be truly happy we must love who we are, what we were born to do, and where we are at now.  We must not worry about what other people are thinking.  God, our maker is the only one that can help with that.  The same weaknesses we perceive in ourselves can also be strengths if can see it from a different perspective.  The opposite is also true.  Turn to your God, let him show you your greatness and what you were born to do.  You are important, you do matter.