I am overjoyed to be a woman

In light of recent events perhaps it is time to write again.  I am overjoyed to be a woman, it is what I was born to be.  In fact I'll go even further; I am a mother, an old fashioned stay at home mom who does most of the housework,laundry, and cooking; a wife who is held on a pedestal by her husband who does open doors for me, and who does talk respectfully in front of me, who does provide for us, his family, and who does preside faithfully over us.  I have no shame in asking him to open jars for me, or to get things that are higher than I am.  I have no shame in asking him to carry heavier loads, or to drive when we are both in the car.  I am also grateful my husband is a priesthood holder, which for those who don't know what that is, it is the power to act in God's name.  It is a responsibility, a duty, not a reward for being a man.  It can be a heavy burden to carry for those who honor it, just as the raising of children can be a heavy burden at times for those who truly love and honor their children.  Men who have the priesthood have the duty to watch over and serve those within their care.   It is not an easy task, just as the daily rearing of children is not an easy task.  I would like to illustrate it this way.  This summer my children were helping me weed in the garden.  They did not like the tasks I gave to them and wanted mine, thinking it was either easier or more important than the ones I gave them.  I explained to them that what they were doing was important and needed to be done, and in fact, if they did not I would have to also do theirs which would cause us to finish at a slower pace.  If we switched roles it would also cause us to finish at a slower pace because they did not yet have the strength to do what I was doing.  We were not all born to do the same thing and be the same thing.  Women are women, and men are men.  It is not a politically incorrect statement, it is fact.  This is not to say that women should not be equally paid in the workforce, it also does not mean women should not work, or vote, or have rights.  It means that women are women and men are men, and the sooner we realize this, the sooner we can get past all this garbage that is now the feminist movement.  We have gone way past what I think the early women were fighting for.  It now takes more courage to stand up and be a woman than it does to try to be a man.  Perhaps I am exaggerating, but I do not believe I am.  There is a divine reason we are different, neither role is more important than the other and both are vital to a happy society.  An honorable priesthood holder reveres women, he does not oppress them.  He serves them, he does not rule over them.  He has the weight and responsibility to provide spiritually and temporally for not only his family but all others who are put under is care which for some can be an entire church.  I served a mission, and when I was released from my mission it was as if a heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders.  Honorable priesthood holders never get this release.  God buoy's them up, guides them, and gives them strength to do what they were born to do.  He does the same for women in their roles which are just as vital and important.  If we are all trying to be men, than who will look after these sweet spirits that come to earth that only ask for love and nurturing.  Who will succor the weak, the poor, and the afflicted.  There is in women a natural tendency towards tenderness and nurturing.  While I do recognize that women too can be very different from each other, and for some this tendency comes easier, I believe it is there in us all.  There are differences for a reason, it helps a man and his wife become one.  Where one is weak, the other is strong,and together they can complete the journey.  I stand Tall in who I am.  I am not ashamed, nor do I undermine my task.  I sustain my husband and all honorable priesthood holders.  I pray for them, I pray for women.  I pray that I will be wise enough, and guided enough by God that I can teach my boys to be men and my girls to be women.  I know what they were born to do, and it is my divine duty to teach them that.  I fail all if I fail at this role.  This is not a politically incorrect statement this is fact.

The good in us all

Today I know I must write.  The circumstances are such that I know it is time again.  I have realized that my gift is not in speaking, and in fact I fumble often with my words when I try to explain myself.  My gift is in writing.  Many events have happened that have brought me to this realization and as such it is time to explain myself.  I am often seen defending those who to most people seem to not deserve my defense.  There is a reason for this.  God has given me a gift and as I have come closer to him that gift is magnified.  In saying this I am not saying I am free of imperfections, listen to me speak and you will know that I am full of them.  The gift he has given me is the ability to see beyond the man and into the spirit.  I can see not the man that has done an awful thing, but the man that was, that still can be through the atonement, and the man that God loves.   I can see into the heart.  I can see the pathway that led a once good man, as King David was to sin so awful that they may never recover from it.  I can see the tragedy of it, and it makes me want to cry for them, not condemn them, for the world has already done that.  I know all men must be brought to justice for their sins, it is not my job to condemn them more. I also truly mourn for those in whom these people have hurt.  I also know that God can see more than any of us can, and that many of those people who have fallen so hard, might yet make it back to the celestial kingdom, and I want to be there to welcome them in.  I want to be there to show them the great joy I have knowing that they made if after all.  I want to not feel the tragedy of their fall.  I want to not mourn for young David any longer.  I want to go home and see all of my brothers and sisters in whom I know I loved before this world and in whom followed the Savior at least once as I did.  I do not want to cry for them because they are not there, I want to rejoice because they are.  I believe that if we all could see as God does just once we would never again be quick to anger, to condemn, to justify our own actions and words, to hate.  I believe we would be in a hurry to bring all men; even those in whom we feel have wronged us most; to our Savior, to healing, to peace.  We would mourn for those who continue in misery, not anger towards them.  Instead of trying to change them, we would love them, and our actions and words would show it.  Remember Mormon, a prophet in the Book of Mormon (ancient scriptures written by prophets of the inhabitants of the Americas) and how he served a people so fallen.  These people so full of anger and hatred towards one another asked Mormon, 15 at the time, to lead them in battle to protect them, perhaps they could sense his strength and love for them.  As far as we know they never did return to that God that loved them so much, but Mormon loved them anyways, and as a result did not lose his soul.  Remember the Savior, that did not condemn the woman taken in adultery.  We all know that story, but do we know the significance of it.  We are not capable as mankind to see into the hearts of men.  God only can give us that ability, and when he has we know it has come from God because of the Love that we are filled with.  The ability to love even those in whom we deem unlovable.  The ability to feel sorrow for the Ebenezer Scrooges of our time, for the abuser and the abused (who often times are both), for the drunkard, and for the murderer (remember the Lamanites, a people in the Book of Mormon, were murderous people before they were converted).  In saying all this I am not saying that these people do not need to be brought to justice, for we know that they must.  I am not saying that you need to trust these people, I am only saying that we are not God and cannot write them off, and say they are not worthy of our love and understanding.  Do we know the pathway that led them to that point.  Do we remember the day that they and us chose to follow God.  All people were good once.  David slew Goliath in great faith for the protection of his people, and later in life sent a man to his death because of lust.  All of us could fall like that, not one of us is immune.  All of us need God and the Savior to get us back, not just because of the mistakes we make, but because of the mistakes we will yet make, and the inability to change on our own.  All of us have regrets, insecurities, and a desire to be understood, loved and accepted.  All of us will fall, and require the atonement to get back up.  Never make the mistake of thinking that your sins are lesser sins, for these so called lesser sins are what lead to greater sins.  One of my favorite parts in the Book of Mormon is when the people for almost 4 generations live in peace and love towards one another and had everything common among them.  This can be us, but the change has to come from within ourselves and through the divine power of God.  It tells us in the scriptures to pray for this love.  It is a gift that God is waiting to give us.  It will only bring us to more peace and joy and closer to the veil, and closer to the face of God.

Knowing truth

I've got the strong feeling I get when I know I need to post something.  The only difference this time is I'm not sure what I'm supposed to write about yet.  My feelings are leading me to our country.  I just got done reading Left to Tell by Immaculee Illibagiza.  It was the amazing story of not only how she survived the Rwandan holocaust, but how she came to know God personally through it and as a result forgive and love inspite of everything she had been through.  For those who are unfamiliar with what happened in Rwanda in 1994, hate between two tribes was intensified by propaganda and as a result one tribe made it their goal to completely eliminate another.  This brings me to propaganda, to the media, to what is happening to our country.  People are weak, we all are.  The only way we become strong is when we lean to God for support, guidance, courage, and love.  As a result of this our weakness we will believe anything we are told sometimes, whatever it may be.  This woman's family was all killed with the exception of herself and her older brother who was studying in another country at the time.  Why?  Neighbors and friends they had had for years turned on them because propaganda told them that this good family, who dedicated their lives to God and to serving others, was preparing to wage a war against them.  We have a choice today, will we let this happen in our country.  Many may say oh this will never happen in our country, but these are the words repeated by great nations everywhere right before they fall.  Will we let media, control our emotions, and make our choices, or will we let God guide us the way we should go.  Will we become apathetic and believe we can do nothing, or will we take a stance whenever and wherever we can.  What you may ask do we need to take a stance on.  Our rights, our God-given rights, freedom of religion, speech, work, health, arms, the list goes on.  The things that are happening in our country are very subtle, and perhaps will take time before the damage can really be seen.  But it is coming.  Most importantly we cannot see each other as enemies, we must work together to protect these rights.  We all have the ability to receive direct inspiration from God about the choices we should make.  We all have the ability to remove ourselves from the hate that is being created across the world, and be filled with the love that Immaculee talks about.  God will fill us with this love, and he will guide us in our lives, and he will protect us from the weakness of our minds if we only but turn to him and knock.

The talents within us

I'm sure many are familiar with the parable in the Bible of the talents.  If not it is in Matthew 25.  A man gave different things to different servants.  To one he gave 5 talents, to another 2, and to another 1.  From what I understand each of these is a significant amount of money.  Both the servants who were given 5 and 2 talents doubled theirs and were given all that the Lord had.  The one who was given 1 however did nothing with his and guarded it, and therefore his one talent was taken from him.  Perhaps this talent bothers us, because we can sympathize with the servant who was given only one.  Perhaps it seems unjust to us and we might have done the same thing.  In recent months though, I have come to understand this parable at a very personal level and consider myself a servant of one talent, but I have decided to do all that I can with it.  I have decided it was what I was born to do.  The world, people will judge how they will judge but they  judge imperfectly and therefore, must be discredited.  We must not let it bother us.  My one talent, really it could be considered 2 is that of a wife and mother.  Now before I go on to say anything more, I know there are many women out there that yearn to be wives and mothers, and yet that blessing has not been bestowed on them yet.  Never should they feel it is because they are not worthy, or because God does not desire it for them.  I will tell you up front that is not my message today.  I am simply using my own experiences to perhaps ease the pain and feelings of inadequacy that so many feel.  I pray that I will be guided to say exactly what needs to be said to portray that message.  I began my first year of teaching in the Fall of 2006.  I was newly married and newly pregnant with my first child.  I knew at the time I would have to at least finish out the school year.  My husband and I prayed and felt inspired to have me continue teaching.  He would stay at home and finish school, and I would work.  That was not the answer I desired.  I knew that in my community many would judge me for it, but most of all I wanted to be home with my baby.  So I began teaching a second year.  On one particular hard day,  I asked God for how long, and the answer came quietly, only until your second child.  When I became pregnant with that second child I thought I was done, after all that is what God said, but eventually I understood it to mean that I still needed to finish out the 3rd year of teaching in which he was born.  I received confirmation after confirmation, and so I did.  During those three years I did receive some comments that could have been hurtful if I didn't recognize that those who said them were not meaning to be hurtful.  One comment after I had said I feel that is one of the reasons why I had to get my degree, "well my daughter just teaches her kids with her teaching degree".  Another was from another teacher who quit after the year her son was born, " We just decided we could make it on one salary" , in which I quickly responded, that is what we are doing too, but it is my salary.  Another was completely surprised to find out that I wasn't teaching because I wanted to but because it was what we knew we were supposed to do.  All of these were said in innocence and based on their own experiences.  None of them were trying to be hurtful.  During this time many may have thought I was one of those mothers that just needed to work to find fulfillment, this is the point I come to.  On one hand I have people perhaps judging me then for working, and on the other hand I have people now who judge me for only being at home with my kids and doing nothing else.  I can't win.  None of us can when we leave judgement to the world.  All of us can win and will win if we turn to God for judgement.  My one talent is that of a wife and mother, I love it, it has given me more fulfillment than anything ever could.  In times of financial stress I tried to bring in a little extra money online tutoring, but found I could not devote myself completely to my children and therefore dropped that.  I now receive confirmation after confirmation that I am to do nothing but devote myself to them, that is what they need right now to become who they were born to be.   I would like to write a parable of my own, in fact two parables of my own.  I served a mission.  Many women do not get that chance, and when I was on my mission I was fully convinced all women should.  Although I knew technically that was not what the prophet was saying, I was convinced I was right because of what it did for me.  After my mission I began to understand it very differently, I was wrong.  Our lives are individually packaged by God our Father who knows us best and knows what we need.   I needed to serve a mission, but not all women do.  In fact for many it is probably not in their best interest.  God knows where we need to be, he'll tell us.  No one on this earth can tell us better than he can.  We should never assume that because it was right for us, it is right for everyone.    Which brings me to my second parable, President Hinkley was kept back from the war for health issues.  Now we all know he lived to be in his 90's so I'm pretty sure those health issues served at least one great purpose, keeping him out of the war so that he could become who he needed to become.  Other apostles and prophets; however, were not kept back from the war.  I don't wish to speculate anymore on other peoples lives because I could judge it imperfectly, but I stated this as a preface to my own experiences.  Awhile back one of my husbands buddies was trying to convince him to join up with the army, national guard, or anything of that nature, because it was what he did, and I feel he felt very strongly that all men should.    We prayed, and President Hinkley's experiences came to mind, and then I felt very strongly like my husband should be at home with us fighting the war that is going on in our own country.  The immoral war.  It was where he needed to be.  Now I admit, this time, this was the answer I wanted.  If we were all doing the same thing, other things would be left undone.  Never should we feel inadequate or like our one talent isn't good enough.  It matters, whatever it is, it is serving the purpose it needs to serve.  God will show you that purpose if you let him.  You do matter, and you are great.  As a woman, as a mother, as a wife I can be judged for so many things.  I can be judged because all 4 of my children were born happily with an epidural.  I can be judged for bringing my babies to church right after they are born, thus exposing them to all the elements, or at the same time make some women feel bad because they didn't do that.  I can be judged because I take a laid back approach to potty training, or I let my kids dress themselves and pick out their outfits even in grade school.  I even let them do their own hair.  I can be judged because I am shy and in many cases don't say a lot.  People can revere me because I have a schedule for cleaning, or judge me because my yard is a mess.  People can revere me because they think my children are so well behaved or judge me because they happen to walk by when I'm being a bad mommy and yelling at my kids.  The point is this, as cliche as it may sound, nothing and no one is perfect.  I can't remember who said this, but I like it, often times we are comparing our weaknesses to others strengths, or our strengths to their weaknesses.  To be truly happy we must love who we are, what we were born to do, and where we are at now.  We must not worry about what other people are thinking.  God, our maker is the only one that can help with that.  The same weaknesses we perceive in ourselves can also be strengths if can see it from a different perspective.  The opposite is also true.  Turn to your God, let him show you your greatness and what you were born to do.  You are important, you do matter.

God is real

I just finished reading Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. It opened my understanding of the culture she grew up in, but made me sad with her inevitable conclusion about religion in general. It also made me very much aware how without meaning to her voice could be very dangerous to religion in general. Her motives I believe are pure she wants rights for the women of the muslim culture, and I can even understand why she came to the conclusion that there is no God. In her situation I may have to. But she is wrong. There is a God, I have had experiences that I cannot deny, nor dare I. Can I share them with anyone, it depends on whether God tells me to, but even if I share them, it may not have the same impact. It is like learning Math or another language or anything. I can gain knowledge of these subjects, but unless people do the work and study themselves they could never know what I know. I am a Mormon, as most people would know us by. It does not offend me if people call me that, although we prefer the title Latter Day Saints. Why am I? Because I know it is true. That is the honest to goodness truth. There are many fallacies out there about the church, or misunderstandings, that I would love to address. In fact Christopher Hitchens does exactly that in his forward in Ayaans book. His 3 issues, polygamy, racism, and child marriage. Did the church in fact practice plural marriage. Yes, I am not ashamed of that fact. I am married to a wonderful man, but the more I pray about this practice, the more I understand about why it needed to be practiced at this time. It won't be practiced so long as it is against the law because God wishes us to obey the laws, but if the day ever came that God commanded it again, would I. Yes, because I know that he could confirm to me too that it was his will, I wouldn't have to just listen to Man. Did some people in the early days of the church possibly abuse this privilege, probably, was it always used under God's direction. Probably not. I'm sure there were people who abused it, but that doesn't make the Gospel any less true, it only makes those people imperfect, and they will have to answer to God for it. Was the church ever racist, no. Were people in the church probably. The rumor that the church was racist stems from the fact, and yes it is a fact, that at one time not all worthy male members could hold the priesthood. Why, I don't know all the reasons, but it had nothing to do with racism. If you did enough research within the church you would see that. You would see how the prophets prayed and continued to pray to ask God when it could be opened to all. You would see some of the early members in Africa patiently waiting for that day and the joy the gospel brought them. You might also see some members of the church who were indeed racist, but if you looked at the teachings of the church at our own Book of Mormon, you would see that they were not following what the church taught. What the gospel of Christ teaches. You cannot judge the church by its people who are imperfect, any more than you can judge a people by the group they belong to. You must do your own research. Part of that research is praying and asking God yourself. He will give you an answer, he answered me, why wouldn't he you. The last thing Christopher Hitchens mentioned about us, was child marriages. I honestly do not have any clue where that comes from. Perhaps he is confusing us with the polygamists today who claim to be mormons, or perhaps he is referring to people in the early days of the church because many people, not just mormons were married much younger than 18. But other than that, there is no truth to that, unless of course again there were some individuals who did it, and I can assure you they would have been disciplined properly if caught. Now why did I say her way of thinking could be dangerous to religion in general? One of her fights in Holland was to rid government funding of private religious schools, because Muslims were continuing to subject their women and children to abuse and other things that were not with Hollands own teachings. I understand this, I do. But then we get to other religions. I could see how her fight could easily lead to a way of thinking in which people believe religion suppresses people and therefore should not have rights. I could see how they could justify this in my own faith, because we do not allow homosexual marriages, women do not hold the priesthood, women are encouraged to stay at home with their children, the list could perhaps go on. But I wish to have a voice here. I am not in submission to my husband or to my prophet, what I do, I do by choice because I know it is the right thing. God himself has told me this. The priesthood is used to serve others, the grave responsibility the men hold is a sacred one. One in which at times could be a heavy burden. I know a little about what they feel, because I served a mission. I felt a huge burden on my back as I served, a desire, a load to reach everyone, in which, of course I could not do. When I was released from my mission, I felt that load leave me, I felt that burden released. Although of course I still feel a need to share with others. No I am happy where I am. I have 4 children 6 and under, and I still want more. I want more, I am not told I have to have more, in fact many women in the church choose not to. I stay at home. We have not always been in the best financial situations, but I continue to stay at home, because that is where I want and need to be. My children need me, more than the workforce. It gives me more fulfillment than anything ever could. I have a bachelors degree, I speak 2 languages, I taught school for 3 years, and none of this matters to me as much as my children do. None of this gives me the fulfillment that being a wife and mother do. I am not saying this because I am told if I don't I will go to Hell, or any other kind of submissive thought. I am saying this because it is the truth. God is Love, he can help you with anything, he can give you a desire for anything that is his will. He wants us to be happy. Now on the issue of homosexuality, I will not be popular. It is not the same thing as being black, it is not the same thing as race. God will never allow it in his kingdom. The church would get rid of all the temples before they allowed homosexual marriages in God's sacred house. I am not a bigot in saying this, nor do I support abuse, or anything else un-christ like towards homosexuals. All of us have weaknesses to over come, and all of us cannot overcome them without the power and help from God. There were times in history, look at Roman history in which children were subject to homosexual relationships with adults. Boys with Men. Is that where you want this world to go? We all have sexual desires, but all of us are in the wrong if we abuse this. Is sex good. Yes, actually it is very good. I enjoy it. But I never did it before marriage, and I am so glad. My husband did not either, and now we can truly say we are each others. We are not supposed to do just whatever we want, but we also can expect help from God if we turn to him. I cannot even begin to tell you how often God has helped me overcome things that were difficult. I felt power beyond myself. Is it my job to condemn homosexuals, or anyone for that matter. No it is not, nor will I. But I will stand for my rights as a latter day saint, and the minute I feel my rights are being infringed upon I will fight, even if it is an unpopular belief. I feel a love for all men, and a sadness when I see suffering, especially if that suffering is caused by evil behavior. I feel sad for Ayaan, because she now lives in a world in which she believes is it, and yet in her life experience I see the times when God was there with her. She just doesn't know it. He has saved her life, time and time again, because she does have a great work to do, and has done a great work. I only wish that she knew she really wasn't alone and that he really does love her.